


How Can An Angel Break My Heart

by peachbunny



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Daniel just wants to be loved, Jihoon's a confused boy, M/M, aka the five times Jihoon lies WITH Daniel, the boys go at it for like five times in this fic, the five times Jihoon lies to Daniel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-21 23:38:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14295939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachbunny/pseuds/peachbunny
Summary: “And I know you’ll never mean it, but I want to hear it from you anyway,” Daniel grits out, nails digging into his skin. “Because you’re the only place that ever felt like home to me.”“So lie to me, Park Jihoon,” he takes a few steps forward. “Say you love me even if we both know it’s not true.”In which Daniel confuses saccharine lies for love, and Jihoon finds it increasingly more difficult to lie to the hopelessly hopeful man - because it’s harder to lie when you’re not lying at all anymore.





	How Can An Angel Break My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> The five times Park Jihoon lies to Kang Daniel.

**The third time.**

Daniel thinks it's funny how people love chasing sunsets - capturing the moment when the setting sun painted the skies with various explosions of color ranging from an upbeat tangerine to a sinister blood red before it fades into an indigo haze - but people often fail to wait for the equally beautiful part of the early evening, when the moon starts to rise, all quiet serenity and unannounced splendor.

Daniel loves it precisely because of the sight he was marveling at alongside the moonrise: Jihoon is bathed in a light honey glow that was slowly fading into a pale lilac - and soon the stars will come out, but the galaxies in Jihoon’s eyes will still outrival them by lightyears.

It was an entire universe that belonged to someone else, and Daniel was thankful just to catch a glimpse of them as they shone above him, Jihoon panting breathlessly as he tangled his frantic fingers in Daniel’s hair.  

Daniel takes it all in, forces himself to memorize every single bit of the image that hovered so close above him - thin sheets of sweat glistening against Jihoon’s skin as they made a slow descent past his bare collarbones, tan skin blooming with fresh bruises where Daniel had marked them intentionally, his chocolate brown hair matted and curling in front of those long, long lashes, mouth openly muttering whispered words from lips swollen from all the biting and the sucking.

Jihoon rocks rhythmically above him, a slow steady pace turning hurried and erratic, accompanied by moans of _more, more, faster, harder;_ their eyes caught together as if transfixed. Daniel’s nails dig deeper against Jihoon’s thigh, as if holding him tighter in place would convince the younger not to go, never to leave, to stay in his arms.

Without warning, Jihoon dives in for a deep kiss, pulls at Daniel’s hair like a lifeline before his palms crawl downward, grasping for purchase against the bare skin of Daniel’s chest; and Daniel finally closes his eyes shut, allowing Jihoon’s warmth and scent and those delightful sounds that rumbled deep in their throats to envelop him as he rides his high. He feels Jihoon unravel with him, and swallows every single one of the younger’s muffled moans into his mouth.

Time slows to a halt and Daniel squeezes his eyes tighter, wills time to stop completely - because Jihoon is _his_ and _his alone_ in the few minutes they have together.

 

***

 

“ _Be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high. Then life seems almost enchanted after all_ ,” Jihoon reads out, voice clear and crystal despite being laced with sleepiness as the cold wind from the outside blew in.

The two of them lay on top of mattresses and comforters, white linen sheets covering them both and the moonlight outside illuminating them as Jihoon tried to read out from an old postcard he had found in one of the drawers. Daniel leans closer to the boy who sat with his knees up to his chest, wearing a rumpled white dress shirt and half of the blanket, and rests his chin on Jihoon’s shoulder as he takes the postcard away with one hand.

 

“Will you be here when I wake up?” Daniel asks out of the blue, surprising even himself with the question. It sounded too clingy, too desperate, maybe this will chase Jihoon away even mor-

 

“Yes,” Jihoon answers, fiddling with the ends of the blanket. It was so easy to lie to someone who believed anything you said.

 

Daniel’s sleepy eyes open wide in surprise. He feels a warmth crawl up and into his chest, and he lets himself hope that this time, Jihoon would be beside him when the sun comes up. Growing a bit bolder, Daniel asks,

 

“Will you still love me in the morning?”

 

Jihoon rolls his eyes but looks back at him tenderly. “Forever and ever.”

 Daniel seems contented with the answer, because he grins and leans even closer to the boy in his arms.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re an angel?” Daniel whispers quietly against his shoulder, softly blowing on it to warm the younger boy.

“I’m told many things,” Jihoon hums, tilting his neck and Daniel’s lips climb up to kiss where it meets with his jaw, “But I’ve never heard that line.”

“Well, did it work?” Daniel nips at his earlobe and runs large hands against the younger’s waist. “Do I get another round?”

“I’m still figuring that out myself,” Jihoon teases, lifting one hand to thread through Daniel’s silver locks.

“How about you let me convince you a little bit more,” Daniel grins, pushing Jihoon down.

“With more corny lines from that mouth?” Jihoon breathed out, tone teasing as he slides lower into the bed to accommodate Daniel hovering over him.

“Yes to the mouth, but no more words,” Daniel trailed his lips lower, parting the white buttoned shirt open as he traced down to taste every single bit of Park Jihoon before he disappears with the coming  of the sunrise.

 

Because sure enough, Jihoon leaves in the middle of the night and Daniel wakes up to the morning all alone.

 

 

\-----------

 

**The first time.**

"How old did you say you were?" Daniel suddenly broke the kiss.

"Old enough," the boy with the pink hair replied, cheeks flushed pink, before diving back into Daniel's mouth as he pushed Daniel against the car.

Daniel raises an eyebrow in disbelief but he lets him anyway, because the way the boy tastes on his tongue - sweet and warm, and tasted like a few shots too many of whatever alcohol was at the party - was positively sinful. He shouldn't be doing this - shouldn't be giving in to yet another nameless one night stand, especially not when he was already a graduating senior who should have his priorities in order.

 _And he does,_ Daniel convinces himself, _he really does._

It just so happened that his priority for tonight was the nameless boy who was now leaning against his car while he fumbled for the damn car keys, urgency made even more apparent with the way the younger snapped all his buttons open, eliciting a groan from Daniel as he feels skittish licks and light bites sink down the skin of his throat.

"Impatient, aren't we?" Daniel hisses through his teeth, finally thrusting his car keys into the lock and roughly turning it and pulling the door open, their bodies barely breaking contact as he ushers the boy into the backseat.

The car smelled brand new, and Daniel was almost unsure if he really wanted to stain it this early with some boy he barely knew. But the boy mewls sweetly into his ear, quick hands already in his pants and pulling him in, and _new car be damned_ he needed to get laid right now.

"Name," the boy breathes into his ear, pants alternating between nips against his earlobe. Daniel pushes the boy's shirt up and lets his hands roam, making sure to touch exactly where he'd elicit the best sounds from the boy's lips.

"Flac," Daniel responded after a few beats. He didn't really need this boy knowing who he was, not when he wasn't supposed to be doing this when he was almost graduating. So he drops a game handle instead, because he's pretty sure this is just a one-night stand.

He almost regrets it because the boy suddenly pulls back, denying him any further touches.

"Flac?" the boy wears a disgusted expression, but Daniel reaches over and pulls him down again. The pink-haired boy didn't resist, but continued, "I really don't want to be screaming _Flac!_ later - it kind of, _mmhm,_ ruins the mood."

"Why...what's…. _your_ name, _"_ Daniel manages between the small bites he leaves against the boy's collarbone and on his chest. The boy pauses for a few beats as well before running his fingers through Daniel's hair and pulls his head up with a sharp tug - forcing the older boy to stare directly into his eyes.

And for the first time that evening, Daniel looks - really _looks_ \- at the boy's face.

Daniel had kissed the boy blindly a few minutes ago before even seeing his face, thinks that he's just another face in the crowd (who just happens to kiss back just as eagerly as he did) - so in a matter of a few moments, Daniel has them away from the loud, pumping music in another one of Jaehwan's obnoxiously noisy houseparties, down the stairs into the basement, and into an empty parking lot where his car was the only vehicle left.

"Park Jihoon," the boy's voice came breathless but confident. "But you can call me whatever you want."

Daniel was too wrapped up in just getting the horny drunkenness over and done with, but the boy's face that was now in front of him pushed him into sudden sobriety.  Bathed in the faint orange light of the flickering streetlamp outside and the weak silver trails of moonlight that fell against their silhouettes - Park Jihoon's eyes were like a hundred galaxies waiting to be explored, the swell of his cheeks and the curve of his lips were landscapes waiting to be skillfully mapped into his memory, and Daniel was convinced that he wasn't human.

He was an angel.

"Daniel," he replied after a few moments of just gaping at the boy whose fingers were intertwined with his hair.

"Daniel, huh?" The boy's features broke into a sly smile before pushing Daniel over and straddling him, smaller hands roaming up and down Daniel's chest and torso. Jihoon leaned forward to capture Daniel’s open lips once again and speaks into his mouth, "Now that's a name I don't mind screaming into the night."

 

***

 

Daniel pulls on his shirt and Jihoon leans back against him, the both of them too tired to make their way home for the night.

 

“I think I like you,” Daniel blurts out, as if he didn’t make enough fun of fairytales and children’s movies where _love at first sight_ was the status quo. He didn’t know that it could actually happen in real life.

 

Jihoon bit his lip, hand trailing over to brush off the bangs that fell across Daniel’s forehead. He thinks for a few seconds - but he’s done before, he’s done this so many times that he doesn’t mind, especially when _Flac Daniel_ beside him wasn’t someone he was going to see ever again. He just needed to forget for a minute that the man he loved finally found someone he loved as well - but it wasn’t Jihoon.

 

“Really?” Jihoon hums. “I think I like you too.”

 

Jihoon’s bright eyes turn to face Daniel and the older boy is thankful it’s dark and he’s tired because he was very aware of how much a blush crawled up his cheek.

 

“I’ll marry you someday.” Jihoon smiles; and Daniel knows it’s meant to tease; but he had never wanted anything to be truer.

 

\-----------

 

**The fourth time.**

 

“Jihoon, wait.”

 

Daniel chases after Jihoon and stumbles in the dark - the harsh light only came from the floodlights that illuminated the field. Jihoon was dressed in a black coat, bowtie undone around his neck - cheeks flushed with too much champagne that he kept drinking at the reception.

 

He had given a lovely speech at Hwang Minhyun’s wedding; Jihoon had such a way with words that Daniel was almost convinced that the younger meant it when he bid his best wishes, told the bride and groom that they looked like they were made for each other; and how he couldn’t imagine anyone who could make Minhyun any happier.

 

Daniel was invited by the bride - an old family friend who was thrilled that he somehow knew Minhyun’s elusive best man. Daniel carefully eyed the way Jihoon had excused himself as soon as he finished his responsibility as Minhyun’s best man - and drank an entire glass of champagne in one go before storming out the doors of the reception clubhouse and out onto the adjacent field.

 

“It’s been years, Daniel!” Jihoon shouts as he finally stops running, surprising Daniel and slowing the boy to a halt a few steps away. “It was one mistake in a parking lot, a silly teenage vow _until tonight do us part_ \- and we’re not the same anymore.”

“Maybe you aren’t,” Daniel grits his teeth. “But I am.”

“I loved you then, and I love you now,” Daniel reasons, taking one step forward as Jihoon takes two back.

“You’re in love with the idea of me,” Jihoon scoffs. “You fell in love with pink hair, quick hands, sweet words, and my gold-plated lies that told you everything you ever wanted to hear.”

“But do you know what I’ve always wanted to let you know, Daniel?” Jihoon continued, his body bathed in the harsh floodlights as Daniel strained to see his expression but settles for his silhouette in the dark. “I have enough bullshit in me to tell you I love you; but never enough to actually mean what I say - so can you stop being stupid for once in your life and get the hell away from me?”

Jihoon clenches his fists and hopes he had provoked Daniel enough for the boy to finally _quit_.

 

“Never enough,” Daniel repeats. “Because no matter how hard I work, no matter how desperately I try, I’m not the one you’re looking for, aren’t I? I know I can never be enough to replace your whoever.”

Jihoon freezes a bit.

“Because you’re still hoping that Hwang Minhyun will look at you one day, and think that you’re deserving - think that he’ll leave everything he has just for you.”

“Shut up,” Jihoon snarls, taking a step forward.

“So you take one look at me and decide that I’m not worth anything more than someone to keep you warm at night when you feel like it,” Daniel continued, “And I’m stupid enough to always say yes - because I have no choice but to say _yes_ when I’ve wanted nothing more than to be _just enough_ for you to glance my way - that I get a few seconds out of the eternity you’ve spent wanting him.”

"I said, shut up!" He feels a searing pain cross his cheek as Jihoon slaps him right then, but he continues.

“And I know you’ll never mean it, but I want to hear it from you anyway,” Daniel grits out, nails digging into his skin. “Because you’re the only place that ever felt like home to me.”

“So lie to me, Park Jihoon,” he takes a few steps forward, closing the distance between them. “Say you love me even if we both know it’s not true.”

Jihoon’s eyebrows twist from anger to something else and he feels his heart shatter; because Daniel is so desperate for his affection that it aches to look at that hopelessly hopeful face.

“I can’t-” Jihoon starts but swallows back a sob at the end. It was getting harder to put on his usual facade that revealed no real emotion. It was becoming increasingly difficult to lie to someone you _cared_ about-  it was much easier to do it when Daniel was just a random boy, just another name, just a heat in the middle of the night that made him momentarily forget.

It was harder to lie when he knows Daniel as more than just a handsome face, he had a name and a past and a life ahead of him; it was harder when he knew about Daniel’s hopes and dreams, his fears and his weaknesses, and all the little pieces that made up the man who stood in front of him.

It was hardest to lie when he wasn’t lying at all anymore.

But lying was still infinitely easier than opening his mouth and telling the truth, that maybe he was already in love with Kang Daniel. Because to say as much would mean that he wanted Daniel to stay.

And Jihoon didn’t believe that anyone would.

“ _Please_ ,” Daniel’s voice came out hoarse as he begged.

“ _I love you_ . Are you happy now?” he manages out in a sarcastic tone, and Daniel smiles a sad broken smile - and Jihoon wishes he didn’t, because that _I love you_ dripped with both lies and unspoken truths.

And at this point Jihoon didn’t know which one it really was: his empty lies, or his whole heart.

And Park Jihoon decides that the lies were the safer option, because the tension hanging in the air goes away and Daniel's familiar hold was on him, helping him forget everything - not Minhyun, not Daniel, no feelings, no commitments, nothing after what's about to come next.

He kisses back as hard as he got, because he never gave anything less - but the familiar taste of Daniel on his tongue was mixed with the taste of tears that fell down the older man’s cheek as he hungrily held Jihoon against the wall.

 

\-----------

 

**The second time.**

 

The next time Daniel sees Jihoon, his hair is blonde; and he pretends not to see Daniel across the street. Daniel sees the way Jihoon’s entire face brightens as he talks to the tall boy in front of him, an elegant man with jet black hair and an expression that made you immediately like him.

 

Daniel watches from across the street as the taller man waves goodbye and Jihoon’s expression fell.

 

Jihoon watches the boy walk away before turning around and ignoring Daniel who was trying to catch his attention. Daniel taps his foot on the pavement, impatiently waiting for the crossing light to turn green. He was on his way to the office, a steaming americano held in his hand - he was running late but this was the first time he’s seen Jihoon in months.

 

“Park Jihoon!” he calls out, long legs catching up with the younger man.

 

“Flac,” Jihoon sighs before turning around to face Daniel.

  
“Uh, hi,” Daniel awkwardly says, passing the steaming americano from one hand to the other. “Long time no see?”

 

“Yeah,” Jihoon answered, tone annoyed and obviously wanting to cut the conversation short. Daniel’s heart fell. He had been pining after this boy for the months and this wasn’t the reunion he had dreamed of.

 

“Was that your...boyfriend?”

 

“No,” Jihoon replies as he checked the huge watch on his wrist. “What he is to me is none of your business - shouldn’t you be going somewhere else, anyway? Why are you bothering me?”

 

“Because you told me you liked me,” Daniel says, and it sounds so pathetic that he very nearly ran away right then. He gulps as he watches the way Jihoon’s eyebrows arched in amusement.

 

“And...you believed that?” Jihoon smirks, a playful light suddenly sparking behind his beautiful eyes.

 

“I wanted it to be true,” Daniel smiles sheepishly back, deciding that if he was going to look like an idiot, might as well not half-ass it.

 

Jihoon hold out his phone, and Daniel stares at it in surprise.

 

“Number,” Jihoon grunts and looks at Daniel in a condescending manner. Daniel mutters out an “oh” before reaching out for it and frantically typing in his number.

 

He hands it back and Jihoon pushes it into his back pocket, winks at Daniel, and turns around to walk in his direction like nothing happened.

 

“Shouldn’t you ring me so I have your number too?” Daniel called out.

 

“You don’t call me,” Jihoon answered as Daniel lost him in the crowd. “I call you.”

 

***

 

It was embarrassing how quickly Daniel arrived at the address of the hotel room Jihoon had sent him. It was his first time to message in a week’s worth of Daniel waiting for a call, and the older boy nervously adjusted his clothes before letting himself in with the keycard from reception.

 

“You sure took your time,” Jihoon joked. He was sitting on the bed, dressed up in a plush off-white bathrobe, and he threw his phone on the bed before standing up to walk towards Daniel.

 

“I came as fast as I could,” Daniel panted, awkwardly shuffling his feet at the hallway. “Booty calls usually take longer to arrive, you know.”

 

“I was kidding, relax,” Jihoon laughed - a musical sound that calmed Daniel down. Jihoon stares at Daniel from head to toe before adding, “Booty calls usually don’t wear that much, either.”

 

“So this _is_ that kind of arrangement,” Daniel replies as he let Jihoon take his jacket off.

 

“Oh, no,” Jihoon answered, pulling off the bathrobe that he was wearing. Daniel was half-surprised to see that the boy was wearing absolutely nothing underneath the thick robe that now pooled at his feet.

 

“Did you forget,” Jihoon continued as he pulled Daniel closer to walk toward the bed. “I said before that I liked you - maybe after tonight, I’ll love you.”

 

Daniel tries to ignore the pulsing in his ears as he followed Jihoon - but not before seeing what the boy had been looking at on his phone a few moments earlier.

 

A photo of the same boy he was talking to days earlier, but the boy had his arms around a girl. And it looked a lot like they were in love.

 

Jihoon pulls in Daniel for a kiss, and he hungrily throws himself at Daniel’s waiting arms, the both of them crashing into a flurry of comforters and pillows. Because the desperation he feels coming from Daniel when he kisses back feels a lot like the desperation that pooled in his stomach when he told Minhyun he loved him a few hours earlier - and all he got was a pitying smile and a promise to be friends forever, no matter what.

 

“Are you alright?” Daniel sighs into the fevered kisses, running a hand against Jihoon’s jaw.

 

“I’m fine,” Jihoon smiles up at him, and closes his eyes as he accepts the warmth moving against him.

 

“ _I’m perfectly fine._ ”

 

  
\----------

 

**The fifth time.**

Jihoon had been crying.

 

Daniel knew that much as he placed kisses against the boy’s tired eyes. Jihoon had come to his doorstep; and as much as he wanted to say no, as much as he spent the past few weeks convincing himself that he deserves someone better and he won’t give Jihoon this satisfaction again - all his resolve crumbled when Jihoon rang the doorbell and walked back into his life like he owned the place.

 

Daniel doesn’t ask questions - he knows he will never get a straight answer anyway. All he knows is that Park Jihoon’s heart is held together only by a few threads at the seams that were already starting to give up, or maybe it had been broken from the moment they first met.

 

Daniel knows his place now, knows what he’s supposed to do as he clicks the door of his apartment shut and walks over to Jihoon to place a chaste kiss on the boy’s lips.

 

They speak no words, their silence scored by the rhythm of the rain that crashed against the windows. Daniel helps Jihoon out of his ironically bright hoodie, undressing the boy almost reverently as he pulled open the light button up shirt, unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down his thighs, takes off his shoes and carefully lays them one beside the other; and normally Jihoon tells him to move faster, take him rougher, give him a high that was strong enough to let him forget - but this time Jihoon stood silent, the two of them entwining their bodies in a choreographed act they were now so used to dancing.

 

Daniel wonders how Jihoon could feel so much like _home_ despite all the warnings that told him otherwise. Despite all the lies across all these years.

 

Despite the fact that the only truth he knows from Park Jihoon is how honestly he responds when Daniel drags out the moans from his mouth when they kiss, the way his body trembles underneath Daniel’s touch, how he shudders in utter abandon when Daniel traces invisible patterns and unuttered confessions on the heated expanse of his bare skin, when he comes undone with a string of Daniel, _Daniel, Daniel_ hanging on his lips.

 

Daniel has never heard his name spoken more beautifully than when it was Jihoon’s baritone voice against the hollow of his throat. He wishes he could play it over and over, until he grows so sick of the sound that he swears off Park Jihoon completely.

 

Because before they met up today, Daniel was already packing to move to another country miles and miles away - somewhere he wishes he can leave behind all this hopeless hoping and start over.

 

JIhoon breathes slowly beside him, his eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling. Like there was something he wanted to say but he was stopping himself from doing so. The thin blanket that covered the lower half of his body was pulled up to his chest by Daniel’s strong hands, the same hands that took his own under the covers. Jihoon moves his head to the side wordlessly, studying Daniel’s face before he had to say goodbye.

 

“Do I let you go?” Daniel lifts his face up, runs his calloused fingers across the gashes on Jihoon’s knuckles - stares into those eyes that, for the first time, looked as terrified as he felt. “Do I say goodbye?”

Daniel says it like whatever Jihoon says next would actually change his mind - he says it like he was prepared to drop everything if only Jihoon asked him to stay.

 

And Jihoon knows Kang Daniel all too well.

 

Jihoon carries the weight of a hundred universes on his shoulders, feels the heated pulse radiating from Daniel’s wrist that lay on top of his - and it screamed, _this is home, this is love, I've been lost for so long and this is what if feels to be found -_ and he knows it’s what he wants: to have a thousand lifetimes over with Kang Daniel.

But Jihoon is too used to letting loose a million different lies from the tip of his tongue.

“Yes,” he hears himself say, feels the warmth of Daniel’s finger slip slowly from beneath his fingers. Watches as Daniel shot back as if Jihoon’s thorns had pricked him, and all of a sudden he’s numb. He’ll have to convince himself that this was the right decision - Daniel was better off without him. “This is the last time, _Flac_.”

Because the only way to cover the pain was to live in the lie.

"How can an angel break my heart?" Daniel whispers, eyes downcast and fingers trembling. It's an open question that hung in the air between them, and Jihoon wanted to say that _he was no angel, Daniel was an idiot for hoping, life wasn't fair and that's why people looked forward to heaven_.

Instead Jihoon keeps his mouth shut and prays that his gaze betrays none of the internal turmoil that churned within him, hopes that the tears that threatened to pool on the corners of his eyes dry up before Daniel sees, before he leads the older boy on any further than he already had.

Daniel holds out both arms and pulls Jihoon in a warm embrace and suddenly the universes on his shoulders dissipate and create a million more alternate possibilities - and in at least one of them, he was honest.

 

In at least one of them, they end up together.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this wasn't super confusing! This was an experimental piece - bits and pieces are taken from song lyrics, movie lines, and some from an original story I've been writing for a few years now ;;;; I might edit later to improve the story? It's not like my usual stuff and it's my first time writing out something like this for people to read - please let me know what you think!
> 
> Also might be a two-shot later if I read again and think it's too angsty - I did write a happy ending but I might post later once I figure out if the story's still lacking ;;;
> 
> I was just so inspired with the beautiful pieces on the tag (ehem at Jess and Dani's fics) that this just came out ' A ' 
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!!! Also feel free to yell at me over [@cheesehoonie](http://www.twitter.com/cheesehoonie) on Twitter :3  
> /runs back to writing the light fluff fics to cleanse myself


End file.
